i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
