In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
