Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
