I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
