The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
