Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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