if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
