I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
