dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
