Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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