I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
