yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
how drunk are you?
Several
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
