so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
