okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
