I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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