why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
