no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
