So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
