There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
