After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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