youre lurking in front of me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
