If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
