we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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