I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
