I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drunk is not a location!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
