It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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