a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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