help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
