So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
