Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
