I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
