Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
