I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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