You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
