She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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