Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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