I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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