never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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