Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're too hungover to prance.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
