Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
