I just threw up on my dentist
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
