Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
