OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just invented taco cereal.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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