just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
