so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
