ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
