I love black thongs
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
