This is not my ceiling
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
