I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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