So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
