what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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