There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
