you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
