do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
