it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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