She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
