he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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