weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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