Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
