i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
