so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
